Marketing…the devil’s time

OK, so you slave over pages, wrack your brains out over editing, wring your fingers while searching for the perfect cover and then finally let an exhausted breath out after it’s published. There it is. Your baby, your masterpiece. Your book.

You stand there and gaze at it lovingly, almost seeing the sales flittering by like an old movie gadget that shows the calendar shedding pages, showing the march of time. You’re done, finished, at the end…or so you think.

chickenmimic

Now comes the absolute worst part of being a writer. Now you have to sell your book. You have to create a market for it. WTF! You know your book is good. Of course it is. Why then, don’t the masses know???

Well cupcake, they don’t know. For whatever reason, they have not been able to pierce the veil of your mind, and so they have no idea how good your book is. You have to show them. And no, you cannot put up a banner saying “My book is good – Buy it!”

Now comes the time of the devil. You walk around the home/den/holding area and try to think of ways to sell your book. Yes, there are the obvious ways…blog tours, interviews, standing on the corner with a big sign…but you want more.

Every writer has their own little “secret” pearls of wisdom when it comes to the more in marketing. My first pearl was to use business cards. Of course nobody else does this. Then I saw a thread in a very popular writer’s site where everybody and their mother used business cards. MEH!

chickenshizzle

Yes, my razzmatazz did need more shizzle. But where could I find said shizzle? It was somewhere in my mind, but the devil had a firm grip on it and kept it hidden behind memories of  Vicki Shumacher’s purple bikini and that episode of Star Trek where Kirk fights that alien lizard guy.

Then, one day in the movie theater, while Satan went to get popcorn, it fell out. There it was! The perfect idea! The one that would send my book straight to the number one spot on the NY Times Best Seller list!

I stared blankly at the movie marquees for coming attractions and it hit me. Why not make promo spots for my book? Pictures that conveyed a scene from the story with a small excerpt to go along. Frikkin’ genius!

Surely, nobody had ever done this before! I even gave them a name and included them in my book cover design business. I named them PromoSpots! I know, pretty damned clever on my part. At the risk of being too forward, here is one for my book.

Promo 8

The idea is to pepper the social media scene with these and hope that it intrigues a person enough to say “hmmm…I better read this book before everybody else does and I don’t know what the hell the conversations about it are…”. So there is a whole series of them, nine as of now, just running about out in the world. They stimulate conversation, add intrigue and just make people need to buy the book.

Or so I hope. Any idea by any writer is an exercise in faith. Anything we do is nothing but chance at best. Indie writers have to topple giants to get people to look at them. They need reviews that say their work is refreshing and new and reminiscent of so-and-so when they were young writers. But to get those reviews, they need to market. They need to roll their sleeves up, hand off their scrunchies or beer cans…or both…and open a can of whoop-ass on the devil of marketing.

Grab him by his pointy ears and shove a foot up his ass. Get their work out and into the public’s eyes by any damned means possible! Make the masses realize that their book is the best book ever written!

Then, it’s time to kick back, open that special wine spritzer and wait for Disney to call with their movie offer…

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